For some reason, when I tell people there are so many things going on in my head: they always think I’m joking or exaggerating. I’m not surprised though, as the word ‘I have a lot on my mind’ is now a cliché. Usually, there’s like a million and one things going on in my head at any given time. My brain is always trying to do too much, even when my body begs to rest. I could be speaking to you right now and while that’s going on, my mind has trailed off to like 5 other things. It’s easy to think I’m uninterested with whatever is being said, as most times I appear blasé: but on the real- I’m not, that’s just how I am.
It’s like my mind is attentive, but not at the same time. It’s so crazy that if you actually ask me to tell you what I’m thinking of, I might be able to name a few shallow topics, but I probably won’t be able to constructively tell you about 3 . Because, they’re so much I can hardly remember. It’s like a computer that has too many tabs open at once, thing is: I’m not really that kind of computer. I’m aware this sounds bad, but I have a system of keeping track- and I remember everything. I may simply form activity like I don’t know or can’t remember at the time, but don’t get it twisted: I never forget. I’m a complex person that finds organisation in disorganisation, and there’s a huge filing system in my head that is able to log all the entries going in.
Sometimes I wake up and don’t even feel refreshed. Have you ever had that kind of sleep where you’re sleeping but you’re still conscious? You can feel yourself thinking and your mind working, despite you ‘sleeping’. It’s like being continually stuck in the REM stage of sleep, or being on a time loop in purgatory without moving on. Sometimes, life is like a dream to me. Everything appears all foggy and blurry, and I can’t make out anything. It’s almost like being in a dull grey silent movie; this time not starring Charlie Chaplin, but me. At other times, it’s like I’m having an out of body experience, where I’m watching myself move around and function.
By a show of hands, who else feels like a toy soldier on a factory production line, no one? For all I know I might be over thinking things, as I’ve been told one too many times. Or maybe I’m the one doing the right amount of thinking, and most people are just getting by on the barest minimum? Just a thought. I used to and still love the sitcom ‘How I met your mother’, and I was watching it a couple of minutes before I started typing this post. And I’m thinking: I’m I Ted on a violent streak? A happy-go, optimistic, eccentric, down on his luck kind of guy, whose head (depending on you), can either be in the gutter or in the clouds? I don’t know if you understand me, or maybe I’m just talking to myself? Don’t matter. Peace and love
BLOGPOST SOUNDTRACK: Bugzy Malone- Ready to blow