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Hell Days

    When we call the bank or any other form of customer care, it’s very common for us to somehow assume we are their only customer and adopt a sense of urgency, expecting them to attend to our request immediately. I don’t blame you. I always make this mistake myself, but recently I got a change of heart. I was at the bank some days ago and seeing first hand, I realized those guys are swamped. Someone sent a mail to a branch and followed that mail up with a phone call like 5 minutes later, screaming about why they hadn’t attended to him and sorted his issue out.
The CCR was left confused, trying to attend to me (the customer in front of him), handle the disorganized pile of papers stacked on his desk (most likely more problems for him to resolve), and also manage the heckler on the phone. After about the third call, when he realized he couldn’t come and kill himself, the CCR sternly stated to the customer that he had only just sent his message in about 10 minutes ago, and there was other issues to attend to, so he would have to wait. There I was still marveling at that customer, and in marches another. This man was determined to bring down the house over being charged for an account that was inactive.
 Although his woe was very valid, his pitch was just a little bit too high. He had one of those booming voices that reverberated round the room and sounded like he swallowed a mega phone. He wasn’t even talking to me and I was genuinely afraid for my life, I wonder how the customer care consultant must have felt? So much goes on at banks it’s a madness. Imagine if you have a day filled with pesky face to face customers complaining about one thing or the other, people on the phone shouting and asking why you haven’t responded to their mail, and customers that come in simply to scream and demand you stop charging them, wouldn’t you be cranky too?
No wonder bankers are always on edge, a month like that would no doubt leave you feeling super paranoid like even your stapler was after you.  I’m feeling for them and not feeling for them at the same time, because in as much as some just picked the short end of the stick, others are naturally rude. No doubt going through this cycle continuously for years has left them scarred with some sort of brain impediment, but the rest are just trying to survive like us, so they must deal with it one step at a time. 
That being said, the next time that banker trips you up or that supermarket attendant acts a fool, before you raise your voice to lash them, remember to smile. She/he might just be having a day from hell.  Peace and love
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Talk Is Cheap

    I’m of the opinion that if you’re hiding to do certain things or can’t accept responsibility for those things, you shouldn’t even be doing them at all. I’m very open with the things i do and I see it as hypocrisy or a general lack of backbone if you can act out in private but not in public. To begin with, asides smoking being bad for your lungs, if you still feel the need to hide when you smoke and certain people come around, err you might just want to put that cigarette out. If you’re embarrassed to go and buy a condom at a pharmacy, should you really be having sex? 
As a grown man/ woman, if you can’t defend your actions, then why are you even doing them. This ‘hiding in the shadows’ mentality trickles down to so many things. For example, criticizing people online because you feel they’re supposedly far away and can’t reach you. Online navigation employs a strategic movement plan because these days, the smallest things can set people off. Don’t just go around opening your mouth to abuse every Tom, Dick and Harry, some people can’t really control themselves and take criticism; constructive or otherwise. 
Even with online ‘constructive’ criticism, you must be diplomatic about it so as not to cross that very thin line between correcting someone to offending someone. Always remember that its not a face to face conversation, so the person can’t look into your eyes or judge you based on your body language or tone (which somehow finds its way into written words), all the person has to go on is their intuition which is sometimes molded by distrust. Words are usually misconstrued, and people always get defensive then apprehensive to any form of internet correction.
Sometimes you don’t even need to see a full sentence criticizing you, all you need is a paragraph and you’re off like a rocket. A prime example happened last year when Singer Reekardo Banks, just by seeing a few lines of a tweet, assumed the person tweeting was attacking him and decided to verbally demolish the poor guy. Obviously, he didn’t finish reading the tweet, if he had he would have found out the guy was just a fan that wanted to inquire about one or two things, class A internet paranoia. Be mindful of what you say before you get into the online equivalent of a Mexican standoff or you offend the wrong person who peeps your location and decides to drive to your where-abouts to give you a good talking to.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with an A and B conversation, but if there are things said in that conversation about another party, that you can’t say to the persons face or talk it out or at least put up your fists to defend yourself, then bruh don’t do it.


If you want to say something, say it with your chest. If you want to do something, make sure you can defend your actions after words. Peace and Love

 

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iIMMORTAL

    There so many concepts that are lost on us as human beings. I know this might not say much about me, but I remember times I went around thinking immortality meant drinking some fruity, funny colored elixir that would prolong our youth allowing us to live forever (oddly enough, this wasn’t that long ago) . Obviously, I couldn’t be farther from the truth. As I grew older you would think this resolve would change but it didn’t, owing to the fact that I wasn’t thinking much about immortality anyways. I was just trying to survive. Believe it or not, the answer came to me just about a year ago. I was sat on the couch watching the telly, while my mind was thinking of a thousand and one other things, when it suddenly popped up  in my head. 
Immortality as a concept has nothing to do with drinking any life prolonging potion, immortality is simply the result of deeds done that make us unforgettable even after we are dead. Depending on what you did while you were alive, you leave a mark and continue to live on in the heart of your loved ones. On the flip side, history has shown us that it doesn’t necessarily have to even be good deeds, it could be bad deeds as well. Good or bad it’s your preference though. Take a look at Hitler, that’s immortality. Years after his death he is still talked about in books; and his legacy bad as it is has left a mark on German and world time lines forever. 
 
Nelson Mandela is another very apt example that you don’t have to drink an elixir to be immortal, your deeds shall carry ye on. People like Herbert Macaulay are veterans in this immortality business. I don’t even think my dad was alive during the time of Mr Macaulay, but he knew him. I know him as well, and thousands of other Nigeria’s know him as a man that played a big role in Nigeria’s nationalism, so he would continue to live on like that for generations. That’s what true immortality means; living on in the hearts, minds, and in history long after we are gone. We should all strive to leave a legacy. In as much as money is quite important, I believe that is equally as important if not more important. What sort of legacy are you going to leave? Good? Bad? Are you going to be remembered by only a few people or remember by thousands or millions? 
Jumping to a closely related topic, people always fail to realize that God doesn’t come down to solve our problems when we pray, he uses other human beings to help us. So, it’s always funny when you see people praying for help but turn around to treat the people close to them terribly. It’s funny because, any of these people could be the instrument of your help. A devotional I read today says that it’s a lot better to help others as opposed to having our hands out for help every other time. You never know, while helping someone your own help could come, or one of the people you helped could be your helper in future. 
But then again, these are just some of the discussions going on in my head,  and what do I know. Peace and love
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On the road

    Traveling by road is such an underrated experience. In as much as it may be time wasting and considering the state of roads and theft in the country, it might also not be the safest means of transportation, but nothing beats the open road. If you’re a lover of nature, beautiful sceneries and living on the edge, I would advise the road. I don’t know about you but for me, there’s something about feeling the breeze on my face that is just super refreshing. I feel a combination of free, lightheaded, emptiness and clear-headedness all at once. In all my years of road travel (not like I haven’t ever had money for flights), I’ve never been in any accident or encountered thieves on the express, glory be to God, but I realize not everybody can say the same thing. Maybe that’s why road travel is so appealing to me. 
The best is when you’re going out of Lagos to somewhere a lot less congested, somewhere there’s still greenery, its amazing. Staring out of the window, tongue almost out of your mouth like a lap dog, you would never be able to take your eyes off the expanse of forest to your left and right, the mountains of red sand, and the air. Yes, the super clean air. The kind that only thousands of trees pumping fresh oxygen in an unpolluted environment can provide. I’m not a very religious person, but I like to believe I’m a spiritual man. Superstitious to an extent. Pray before every journey, sign of the cross at every junction (I mean every junction. I don’t know why I must do it, but I feel God has known my thoughts of wanting to do it, and if I don’t I would be making him very angry), fingers crossed at every pothole and sharp turn or swerve. 
But so far so good, God has always come through for the boy. For me, the worst thing about my experience in road travel, is always sitting in the front seat, beside the driver. I can’t do it, as a matter of fact I refuse to do it because I know 10 minutes into the journey I’m going to start sleeping. Which isn’t even the most annoying part, the most annoying part is when your neck falls asleep and can no longer hold your head up, so you start swaying and jerking from side to side like you’re having a seizure. Being a very self-conscious person, I hate to be that dude that gets attention because he can’t hold his liquor or because 10 minutes into the journey he starts visibly sleeping. 
The funniest part about dosing off is when you start nodding and you suddenly wake up. Why do we all have to pretend we weren’t sleeping by nodding our heads, occasionally with the creepiest smile on our face while pretending to listen to music and side-eyeing to see who’s watching us? Imagine if there’s now a fine girl at the back seat, then I start getting my bubble head on, lol (ultimate cringe). I prefer the window seats at the back, so even if I fall asleep, its whatever. I’m kind of used to having people by my side, the discomfort keeps me on my toes, literally.I remember back in my Unilag days, coming back from school I would always enter those coaster busses from Yaba to Aguda, with the experience usually been gut wrenching to say the least. If you think I’m slim now, you should have seen me back then. Strangely, whenever I entered those buses I was always sandwiched between two extremely fat people. I couldn’t move my arms. I wouldn’t be able to sit back, legs dead from lack of blood circulation and whenever I got down from the bus, I always had to hobble around on one leg like a drunk, lmao good times. 
 
If you want an experience, road travel is the way to go. If like me you’re a fan of taking new things in, road travel is the way to go. If you’re a nature lover, road travel is the way to go. It may not be the safest or fastest, but you’re guaranteed a good one before you reach your destination (if you choose the right seat). Peace and Love
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KillJoys

    It’s annoying how some people are always trying to give reduced expectations on life. Because they didn’t get exactly what they wanted doesn’t mean another person’s dream is going to fall short as well. Killjoys everywhere, walking around trying to shoot down dreams. I remember when I was growing up, one of my uncles during morning prayers while using a daily devotional, told me that in life, sometimes you don’t get what you want so you have to make do with whatever you get.
At the time I didn’t think much of it, but I knew there was something off. Although its very quality advice, but to jot that down to an exact science is a bit farfetched. I can still remember the example cited; the man in the devotional wanted a slim wife but got a fat lady instead. He wanted a beautiful lady but got someone not ugly but just ‘easy on the eyes’, and the discrepancies went on and on. But ironically, she turned out to be perfect for him, so I guess it was sort of a win-win situation for both.
 I’m aware of how this story ends, but a few alternate endings don’t necessarily mean every story is going to end the same way. I’m one of those ‘head in the cloud’ guys that still believes we can all get exactly what we want in life. I’m not referring to only love, this cuts across everything. The most recent study by the UN shows that Nigeria is the 6thhappiest country in Africa and the 96th in the world. So, with all the Owambes and the expensive comedy shows with the club after parties, we’re still not number 1. 
This just goes to show everything is Boju Boju and we are legit not happy people. A show on the telly was trying to expatiate on the statistics from the UN, and one of the panelists stated that Nigerians are just not happy. Asides the declining economic situation, the simple truth is Nigerians are really not happy. Everybody living second hand lives and just ‘making do’ with everything. Look at this tweet from a Nigerian youth.

 Youths make up the greater half on Nigeria’s population, so if everybody is walking around internalizing like this, is it a wonder why we ranked the 96th in the world? Go out, flex, take time to just chill, you’ve earned it. Maintain your main job/hustle but find a way to live your dreams even in the slightest. If you want to be a singer, don’t quit your job first; try your hand at karaoke bars and with friends and family to know if you’re any good. If you’ve always wanted to be a writer, you can write on the side and in your spare time. You don’t need to settle, just keep searching until you find the one of your dreams (you know the one, you dreamt of as a child).

I’m not out here shaming any body type because I know there is someone for everyone. Girls love to deceive themselves by thinking they’re the only ones that plan a marriage in their head the minute they meet a guy they like, guys do it too. When I meet a girl that checks all my mental boxes, I go as far as to start thinking of children names and where we would live even.
On a final note, I’m not saying we should all quit our jobs or start running after cupid up and down, I’m just saying, ‘don’t get lost in the sauce’ and ‘it’s very easy to get stuck in a funk’. Never settle for less and after the long wait, it’d all be worth it, hopefully. Peace and love
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Consider this

     Call me naïve, but I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt at least too many times. I know that doesn’t make any sense but hear me out. I’ve come to find out that in Life, you never know what people are going through no matter the situation or position you find them in. Imagine you looking to someone for help, and they are unknown to you looking to someone else for help as well. Truth is, no matter how big a person is, they also have problems that keep them up at night. Now, these problems may not be the same as yours, I mean shoe get size problem pass problem, but no matter how different it appears to be, a problem remains simply a problem. 

Loads of people assume they’re thoughtful but find out that when they get to some positions, they involuntarily become inconsiderate. Inconsiderate in the sense that; things happen, and, in some cases, you must prioritize yourself, that’s just life. And the second reason being, no matter how you move, you can never please everyone i.e. some people will still find you inconsiderate no matter how safe you try to play it. The great musician Ebenezer Obey said it all with his song about the man and the donkey. You know, the one about how you can never please people? The ketekete song? Nothing? Okay moving on, I’m of the opinion that your next move as a person shouldn’t be dependent on anyone but God and the universe (if you believe in that sort of thing), I also think no one person is tasked with ensuring another’s survival; and understanding that keeps me level headed. It’s as they say, if you don’t expect anything from anybody you’ll never get disappointed. As opposed to finger pointing and referring to other people as inconsiderate, we should first look at ourselves, and try to be the considerate ones.
I realise I’m a very laid-back dude (it hasn’t escaped me), it’s because I believe in life I’m going to get where I’m going to get, and be where I need to be, not a moment sooner, and not a moment later. I don’t fret or run, I just keep faith. Yes, I make moves that will propel me in that general direction, but my mindset is ‘if it comes, it comes’. In as much as I’m terrified of snakes (as we all are and should be), I find myself watching a lot of snake documentaries on the telly, and I discovered that the biggest anacondas in the animal kingdom, don’t move around too much. They never engage in scare tactics or hunting techniques that you see smaller snakes applying, they just sit pretty, and their food comes to them. Now, I’m aware a lot of people can misconstrue what I just said, but I’m not talking to those people.
 When your work gets critiqued or whatever, don’t be so quick to jump at throats or want to rip others apart, listen and think. Consider why they said what they said or acted how they acted, there might just be some sense to what they’re saying. Giving way to other opinions makes you smarter. Because then, your brain has a lot of options to consider before deciding. Let’s worry less about what other people can do for us, but what we can do for others. Consider that. Peace and love
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Not So Social Media


     The internet and social media by extension is filled with so many fraudulent and shady characters, that even we as Nigerians don’t trust ourselves anymore. Most of us still have Facebook on our phones for birthday reminders, connecting with old friends, and the occasional heart stopping friend requests from pesky older family members (how did these people even get on the internet?). Twitter is for the socially conscious. A place where everybody’s inner Maya Angelou is alive, a home where the real and fake woke, can co-exist in perfect harmony. Instagram is the new wave. Packing a punch with visuals, texts and videos. That if left unchecked, can take up the better part of your day. Draining both your battery and data in the process. And finally, Snapchat is the over entitled younger brother of Instagram. Man can’t really do as much, but feels he deserves a little bit more attention, based on being a special needs child.

The main aim of most of these social media platforms is connectivity, infused with entertainment. But it seems we may have tilted a little bit more towards the entertainment side of things, which isn’t entirely bad in itself. Because let’s face it, life can get really dull sometimes, and we all need the laughs and good tidings social media carries with it. Certainly we’ve all noticed most of them creating business branches e.g. WhatsApp for business, Twitter for business etc. You would think that will make it better, but still people don’t reply direct messages except it’s the occasional and in some cases plenty ‘Setting P’ messages. Chances are, even if you send a regular direct message on any of these platforms, 8/10 times you wont receive a reply.
Asides the person who is always on their phone but still chooses to not reply messages (I know people like this, especially girls), the second worst person to send a DM to is a celebrity or someone that thinks they’re famous, its like waiting for an absolution that may never come. I see people giving them flak for this and I think to myself ‘let’s just cut them some slack’. Because seriously, can you blame them? If I had a couple of unknown persons in my DM asking me for money all week, id be a bit shifty about replying messages myself. I know this because, I’ve been in DM’s, asking for help on one endeavor or the other. Keep in mind, not financial help, but targeted messages to individuals in fields where I need this help. 

Messages like ‘Hi, I’ve gone this far, and I’m stuck, can I get some intellectual help’ sort of messages. And most times, its response is always in perfect contradiction to the usual celeb mantra, which is ‘just send me a message and I’ll reply’… yea right dude. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pissed, I’m just the sort of guy that likes to right a wrong and point out said wrong. In as much as it would be super difficult and tedious for a celeb, to comb through their direct messages, trying to separate the genuine from the fake while navigating the landmines of scammers left and right, it would still be nice to give a response and interact with people outside your social circle, even if just occasionally.

But still, I think people generally should be more responsive. I remember back in the day (that’s a lie, I was told) when celebrities would wade through tons of fan mail, painstakingly replying almost everyone in a timely fashion. Now, waiting for a celeb to reply is almost the equivalent of waiting for hell to start freezing over (notice I said start, this implies that they would reply, but It would just be later rather than sooner. Much later). People are glued to their phones but still can’t boast of any meaningful and genuine connections. Its always so weird when you see a seemingly popular person with all the right links, do something drastic to get attention. Then you ask them why, and they reply, ‘I was lonely’. Even me sef that is just a regular Joe, I admit I’m guilty of stalling and not even replying to one or two directs, but as I always say ‘I’m under renovation’ so…
All in all, we can like to change our ways and connect as human beings. Before the age of robots, where an A.I named Sophia would forcefully help you connect by breaking your legs and informing you robots are superior to humans. Then, you would crawl to other humans for comfort, celeb and non-celebs alike. Chill I’m just joking, LOL (or am I?). On that note, it’s very sunny out today, lets go out and make those tangible connections. Peace and Love.
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Bucket List


     I know what you may be thinking, ‘ here we go again’. Chill, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon, but I intend to live the best life I can possibly live. One of my biggest fears is having so many regrets on my death bed when I’m grey and old. Feeling sad and crying about how I didn’t explore enough, I didn’t love enough, I didn’t experience enough, I should have kept a more open mind bla bla bla. Nope, that’s not going to be me. I’ve resolved never to take anything too seriously and just roll with it (so to speak). Yes, this is your typical ‘I can’t come and kill myself’ moment, all work and no play kuku makes jack a dull boy. 

For the longest of times, I used to watch all those ‘Abroad life’ movies, and just marvel at how jejely they lived their lives.
Someone would decide to travel around, visiting places and taking pictures, another person would quit their job and relatively comfortable life to move to Brazil (its always Brazil, or somewhere in south America) to go and work with an NGO helping people, and I would be like ‘what a wawu’. I start asking myself questions like ‘how do they have it so easy, why aren’t they stressing? Then when I pinch me and bring myself to, I’m faced 1 reality and a question
1.To travel the world, I need money, and I’m like ‘Sheesh that’s a bust’.   
2. ‘Why would I leave my home to instead live in a mosquito and dengue fever infested place, is that really necessary? I don’t think so. 
But that’s the typical Nigerian in me showing face. The truth is, it’s necessary. And despite having to deal with realities like ‘no money’, we need to learn to appreciate the little things. As Nigerians we tend to concentrate on the harsh realities facing us, that in retrospect might be the very mundane thing stopping us from experiencing the best in life. I’m not going to go to certain places because I don’t like certain people, never. When I go here, I’m not going to try any new things, nope. 
I’m not liking one person because I’m from a different tribe/ethnicity, nahh not me. I want to live hard and love even harder. To me, the mark of a good story teller is being able to fill up a story with so much twists and turns, the story line is unpredictably sweet; even if the general synopsis is over flogged and you already know what’s going to happen at the end. That’s what makes whites different from us, they care more for the twists and turns, the unpredictable nature of the universe. A beautiful life and a sweet death should be the end goal, to be honest. Fill your life with so many good memories, you can afford to die in the moment. There’s a list of things I want to experience before I go, I know everybody has a bucket list, so here are a few of the things on mine.
I want to see the Eiffel tower in Paris at night.
Attend the opera in Italy with the love of my life (tuxedo in play, dinner gown and all, balcony view; putting all those small glasses to my face to have a better view, the whole 9 yards).
I want to go on that canopy walk in Ghana they say is the longest in Africa or so.
Bungee jump.
Sky dive.
Learn Spanish (Mexican Spanish, not that rubbish they speak in Spain).
Go to the Canadian Alps just to see mountains of snow, take pictures and be out. 
But make sure that in everything, I’m genuinely loving it and living my one life to the fullest.
I hope by now that you’re smiling and thinking about the things on your own bucket list. Be happy. Peace and love.
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Re-Orientation



     In my opinion, one of the biggest problems with Nigeria, is the mentality of Nigerians in Nigeria. Moving around, you will find that a lot of Nigerians carry around ridiculous mental frame works, that on close examination you start to realize that we are the cause of our own problems. I believe that as a person, my mentality is subject to evolution, growth and subsequently change.  You can’t negate the effects of exposure, exposure in this sense not primarily meaning traveling abroad, but meeting new people, reading books, engaging in meaningful dialogues where you listen more than you speak so you can learn a thing or two. 
Take the example of a woman in the 21stcentury, in 2018 (a year when feminist spirits are at an all-time high) who believes that when you go to visit a man, you owe him sex, and in the event of rape, there is actually no point in struggling/screaming or putting up any sort of fight, the best thing to do is to endure. And we wonder why rape and domestic violence cases keep increasing. You would be surprised to know that there’s an abundance of young women walking around with this caged-in defeatist mentality. Too many people are comfortable and complacent with the way they’ve been told to act, or a certain way they perceive that they should act because society says so. Mindsets that are caged in, mindsets that belong in the stone age. Change is constant, evolution is necessary for survival. 
We can’t continue to govern ourselves with the old frame work that our great grandmothers used, and their great grandmothers passed on to them, of which even those have been subject to change as they were passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes new scenarios arise, and we must adapt. Should we talk about, the fake shroud of morality blanketing the nation? People will openly bash someone for dressing in a certain way or promoting immorality but will go back to do things or watch porn in what they think is the comfort of their homes. I watched a video online of a Jehovah witness preacher that was caught pants down about to have sex with someone he went to preach to, we hear about pastors impregnating church members on a steady, juju been used even in church, but no, we would rather be sanctimonious and caste judgement on helpless victims. 
Re-Orientation is what we need. We must erase the mentality that we need to steal from the nations pockets for no reason other than ‘just because’. Patriotism is so dead in Nigeria, that even a new born baby who can’t talk is already wincing and strategizing on how he wants to leave the country. Can you blame him, when that’s all most Nigerians think about; greener pastures. Greener pastures aren’t a bad thing, but when we leave in search of greener pastures, can we come back with some meaningful knowledge or even if we don’t have the meaningful knowledge, at least just come back. I hate it when people infer that Nigeria is a wasteland and can never get better, so it’s a lost cause. I pity the fool. I believe so strongly in Nigeria, that if not today, one day. If we all decide to leave Nigeria who is going to fix it? Back in the day, it was mostly unskilled labour that migrated. More so, it was when you failed jamb or couldn’t get into school, the option of going abroad would show face as a last resort, now things are so A-Wire, the abroad life seems to be the only life. I could go on and on, but I know any wise person reading this would already know my ultimate destination. Let’s get out more, think broader, read wider, explore the world (explore the country), get into meaningful conversations, re-orientate ourselves.
I myself am under constant renovation, but every time I think about how much my thinking has changed now, I know I’m on the right path. Re-Orientate yourself and be a better person. Peace and Love.